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Holy Shit………I Wrote A Book

July 27, 2014

For those of you that were not aware, I have been working on a book. Truth be told, I have been working on this book for over 10 years now. By the time I had turned 32, only divorced for a few years at the time, I started to realize that something was very wrong in the world of divorce, and I wanted to somehow share my thoughts.  Although I would fumble around in the dark for years, I did finally find my way. After so many years of what seemed to be a disaster after another, I finally shut my mouth, turned of the incessant thinking in my mind, allowed things to be whatever they needed to be, and listened to what was inside.

In less than 1 month, “How To NOT Be An Idiot When You Get Divorced” became a reality. In its short, 32 page presentation, this book touches on some of the things I think we need to do to change the way divorce affects our children, future generations and the Eco-system. Surprisingly, everyone who has reported back to me has shared the same positive comments. I find that amazing considering the topic is divorce.

I do finally realize a few things as I sit here today. And one thing that scares me so much is that this book has been so hard to write because of one major reason. The story of divorce is not believable. In all honesty, not only is it not believable, but it doesn’t even make any sense. I can’t tell you how many times I had finished writing something only to go back to edit and think to myself “this is what happened, but it is not believable, this doesn’t even make any sense.” The current story around divorce is no different from looking at the government or economy here in North America, it’s just not believable. Our government is so corrupt now and our economy is such a disaster that it is not even believable. Everything is done for profit, there is no regard for the environment or the health of society, it really makes no sense. And divorce has become the same, it’s like someone got people to start a war among themselves so they could be distracted and not pay attention to what the government and corporations are doing……………….

When I look back over the last twelve years and think about how my divorce has affected my children and all the other people involved in my life, it is not believable. When I think about the stories I hear from other divorced parents, they are not believable either. And it was those stories that helped me realize that those people that think divorce is just fine and has no effect on anything are the last people we should be talking to.  It is time we talk on a global level, it is time we changed the societal paradigm of divorce, and the only way we can do that is through awareness and love. Like minded people working together to make a difference is the only way now. Hate has proven time and again to be ineffective at doing, well, anything actually.

I Pray that this book will make a difference for you as you go through your divorce. And I hope the books that follow will do the same. I have made many mistakes and have had many learning opportunities, I hope that by sharing what I have been fortunate enough to learn along the way helps you in your journey.

Down below you will find a chapter of this little book. I hope you like it, if you do please help spread the message. Lets all work together to change the way divorce is affecting our planet and society.



How To NOT Be An Idiot When You Get Divorced


Chapter #3
“Why Now?”

“Of course there is no formula for success except, perhaps, an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings.” – Arthur Rubinstein

Why now? Why couldn’t my life have fallen apart when my kids were older? Why did I have to go through this now? Why? Why? Why? Doesn’t matter how you asked the question, it’s all the same. I’m willing to bet that for most of you, going through your divorce is going to be like going through hell. And “Why now?” will most likely become something you ask yourself multiple times per day but never seem to be able to answer, just another little thing that helps make it feel like you are in fact going through hell. For me, the question of “Why Now”? Did just that. It helped create a list of things my ex-wife had done or didn’t do that never seemed to end. There was daily drama in my mind replaying and justifying all the reasons why my having gone through a divorce was someone else’s fault. For a long time I even thought about what I could do to get back at her for what she had done to me. Does that sound familiar? Yes, I’m describing most people when they get divorced. And yes, actions like this are super idiotic.
Somehow over the last four or five years I have learned that the one thing that stands in the way of people moving forward and actually being happy, is simply their acceptance of situations. Think of it like this. If you’re driving down the highway and you get a flat tire, you need to pull over and install the spare. That’s it. Getting mad about it is not going to do anything to make the situation better. You can either change the flat tire with a smile on your face or you can get pissed off, try and blame someone or something, ruin the day of everyone you come in contact with and cause yourself a boatload of stress. Responding to your flat tire in any way other than acceptance is absolute lunacy. The tire is already flat. There is nothing you can do to change the situation. The only thing you can change is your response to the situation. And your divorce is no different. Your marriage has already driven over a spike, that’s why you’re getting divorced and now it’s time to choose whether you respond with acceptance or resistance.
If you choose to respond to your divorce with acceptance you might find very quickly that “Why Now?” turns into “Why Not Now?”. You might find that you are happier in all other areas of your life. You may find that the relationship with your children improves. You may also find that you make changes and grow as a person, maybe accept a new position at work, or even quit your job and start the business you’ve always dreamt of. You are not going to find these things if you resist or hate the fact that you are getting divorced. The hate or resistance you have surrounding your divorce will creep into other parts of your life and things will carry on being the way they’ve always been.
And really, whose fault is it that we get divorced. Ours. And by blaming your ex for anything, you are doing like I did for all those years, setting yourself up for failure. Doesn’t matter if they are blaming you, that’s none of your business. Just focus on yourself and remember that if you’re in the right frame of mind you are able to see that when one door closes another one opens. You are also able to see that there is no point in fighting, there is no point in ruining your ex. You realize that a cooperative co-parenting relationship is possible and you just automatically begin doing the things that have a long term positive affect on your children. This changes the way your divorce plays out, it changes the way your life plays out, it changes the way your children’s lives play out and it changes the way our planet is treated.
For those of you that are thinking to yourselves acceptance is for cowards or the weak, stop being an idiot and realize that acceptance is for those people that are strong enough to want to rise above denial, blame, justification and failure. People that want to make a difference not only for society but for our ecosystem as well. People that have realized that divorce does not have to be a war affecting everyone and everything it comes into contact with. Acceptance is for people that no longer want to be idiots.





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