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Divorce Effects Everything

September 30, 2013

I came to realize the other day just how connected we all are, and I realized that divorce plays a bigger role than I once thought. Now, don’t get me wrong, I realized years ago that we are all connected and each of us effects this ecosystem we call “Earth” by the choices we make. I guess I just thought it was on a smaller scale. I am not really sure what I was thinking actually, now that I think about it, it seems so logical that it’s even the choices we make in our personal lives affecting planet earth.

So I came to start thinking about how the choices we make when we are divorced effect everything around us. I did this because I absolutely can not believe the number of people I have heard say that their divorce has no effect on anyone else. They even say that it has no effect on their children. This is complete lunacy and I have no hesitation to say  I think the complete opposite, let me tell you why.

Your children have been a part of a family breaking up. They have watched one of their parents move out. They have most likely been witness to some fighting or at the very least a few good arguments. They feel as though they have done something wrong, and they are confused because they may not be able to communicate what they are feeling. they are now being used as pawns in a power struggle, they hear their parents lie about each other, and become messengers of nasty messages back and forth. Of course your divorce hasn’t any effect on your kids.

You are angry. For some of you I would say you are fucking pissed. And any common sense you used to have has been punted out the window a long time ago. You would rather fight with your ex than do anything to make the situation better. Did you ever stop to consider that its not just your children feeling the effects of your hate and stupidity. Just today alone you have effected multiple people while you were driving to work, you affected most, if not all the people you work with, the kid working the till when you went to buy your coffee or pop (making sure to be mad and unhealthy, good job) the clerk you yelled at while shopping for groceries after work, and of course the person you cut off while driving home from the grocery store. If they are lucky (being facetious) your children got to experience all the rage you could summon today, and when they see it day after day they begin to think it’s just normal behavior. Soon they will be as angry as you without even needing to get divorced. I guess it saves a step so that’s good, and just think of how many more people can be abused by the anger you have once your children are on board and helping you out.

And what if you’re not angry, at least not visibly angry on the outside? Sure, you’re not mad on the outside, but what are you teaching your children? In my opinion, you’re better off being angry and letting people know. In this case, you suppress your feelings and teach your children to keep their feelings to themselves, and not deal with the emotional turmoil they will have in life, this makes it harder to notice when something is wrong……… nice. And that’s on top of teaching them that conflict in a relationship is unacceptable and the best way to deal with that conflict is avoidance. Have you given any thought to what your setting your children up for in the future? have you given any thought to how your children are going to affect the people they come into relationship with? It seems to me that people in this category have one other very familiar trait, they base their parenting partners ability to parent on how much money is given each month. Since when does money have anything to do with being a parent? And what are you teaching your children when you put money over morals and values?

And finally, the divorced parent that I am so very familiar with. You’re angry, and you’re full of blame, yet you act as though you’ve moved on. You have a fake smile and you put on a show when you need to. You do almost no parenting, in fact chances are pretty good you do no parenting, yet regard yourself as a parent that’s hip with today’s kids and you have magical parenting abilities. When your parenting partner asks questions about what is going on you call them names, put them down, and really cause a distraction so that none of the issues surrounding your children can ever really be spoken about. What are we teaching our children in this case? Blame, denial, expectation, the inability to deal with conflict, and in most cases laziness, and some sort of drug and alcohol use, especially at young ages. kids with a parent like this typically don’t do well in school, if they even go to school at all. these people also seem to have the money thing going. I really need someone to explain to me how the amount of money you have dictates how good of a parent you are.

Three different parenting styles in divorce, making up over 60% of all the parents that are divorced. But they all have one common thread. The negativity creeps out into all of society through their children, and not only does it creep into society, it seems to me that it’s taking society over. Divorce effects over 75% of the population and our inability to work together for the children is causing a societal and economic breakdown that is now touching everyone, just look around. It doesn’t matter which parenting style you pick, the one thing you can be sure of is your setting your children up for failure. Be the better parent. make a better choice. Read books, take classes, start running, learn meditation, do whatever it takes for you find a place of peace so you can be a positive role model for your children. you owe it to them, you owe it to society, and you owe it to this planet. Just because you got divorced does not mean life is over, and it doesn’t mean you have to set your children up for failure.

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