Skip to content

Please Join Me At jaesonrau.wordpress.com

December 9, 2014

For the few of you that actually read the blogs I write,  thank you, I am very grateful that you do and I hope you get as much out of it as I get by doing the writing. And I hope you will keep reading what I have to write. But in order to do that you will need to head over to jaesonrau.wordpress.com

I just have to much on my plate, when I first started all this writing and speaking I created 4 email accounts and 3 blogs and………….Yes the list goes on. In an effort to keep my life a bit more streamlined I am getting rid of all the extras I do not need. I hope doing this creates the time and space I need to write more often. So thanks for reading and I hope you follow me over.

 

The Frustration Of A Divorced Father

September 10, 2014

Below is a posting I put on Facebook last night, through utter frustration. Although there are no shortage of deadbeat dads out there that deserve to be taken out back to the north 40 and left in a ditch somewhere, there are also dads like me that want to be a father, want to be a part of their children’s lives. We seem to be getting treated as if we are deadbeats also. And I for 1 am getting pushed to my breaking point very quickly.

It is time the system changes! We need to do something because it has become evident that what is going on is not working.

I am lied to, I am lied about, the context of everything I do is twisted around to make me look like a bad guy, especially to my boys (and in the past my immediate family). I own nothing and in the last 5 years have not had 2 nickels to rub together, new clothes or shoes are but a distant memory, I can’t even afford new work socks right now. I have had to drive my vehicle without insurance at times and without a license at others. Sometimes I can’t go see my son to help him work on his car because I don’t have enough gas in my vehicle, the gas I do have needs to get me to work, and there is no money for more gas. Yet they want more. And more. And then punish me when I can’t give more. I live my life looking over my shoulder waiting to be pounced on.  It sucks going through life wondering when you will be kicked down the next time, when someone will rub salt into the wound. And by no means am I the only guy this is happening to, in fact I would guess that over 90% of the men this is happening to won’t admit it because they are scared that they will be labeled a wimp or a coward.

The fact is you guys are being wimps and cowards! Suck it up and be a man. Be honest with how you are feeling. Stand up and say no more.

Because it is time to stand up and say no more. It is time to take a stand and let the system know that this is no longer acceptable. It is time to let our ex-wives know that we are parents just as much as them and it is not OK to alienate us from our children. It is time to stand up and tell the deadbeats it is not OK to walk away, they are making the rest of us look bad. Maybe we need to start publicly shaming parents that want to be idiots when they get divorced. Hence the reason my first book is called “How To NOT Be An Idiot When You Get Divorced”.

I can’t do this by myself. 1 guy can’t make a difference. You need to join with me if we are going to make a difference. My ex won’t listen to a word I say, and probably neither will yours. But maybe if we start a movement, with thousands of people we can do something positive for divorce. Maybe then the people that are not listening, the people that are the real problem, will take notice and realize they are not actually as awesome as they thought.

Call me names for writing this blog. Sue me. Lie about me. Make up a story about why what I am writing is wrong.  I just don’t care anymore. There is something seriously wrong here and it needs to change. Someone needs to say something and if nobody else has the balls to say what needs to be said I will. DIVORCE NEEDS TO CHANGE BEFORE IT GETS ANY WORSE, AND YOU NEED TO HELP THAT CHANGE HAPPEN!!!

So here is my Facebook rant………..

I would not normally bitch like this on Facebook but here goes……back in Feb I went back to court. The judge hammered me to the wall, basing my new support payments on my ex-wife’s word, not actual proof. I have been left with less than $500.00 a month to live on. I have made every effort to follow the court order but now that I am a few hundred dollars behind in payments (like that wasn’t going to happen) my license is about to be taken away, which will leave me no way to make an income, as I work as an electrician and need to drive. This will make it impossible for me to make an income at all! The system is actually forcing me to fail.
Something is wrong with our system and desperately needs to change. I have never done anything to deserve being treated like this (even at my worst) It’s no wonder the rate of suicide is on the rise. And what about my boys? How bad is the system going to treat them when they are divorced men? What about your boys? My Father never got treated this bad when he and my mom divorced, if my boys or your boys get treated worse than me they will probably kill themselves or someone else.
What the fuck is wrong with people today? I don’t have a problem paying child support but why do I have to be thrown to the wolves? How does anyone expect me to live on $500/month? It’s impossible!!!! I am tired of being treated like shit, and lots of other men are as well. Getting divorced does not give anyone the right to pound me or other men into dust!
If you want to join me in creating a solution please let me know. We can’t do anything as individuals, but as a large group we can, and it’s time to do something.

Try tuning in to my Blog Talk Radio Show on Sun Sept. 14, 2014 @ 4:30 pm mountain. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/idiotdad

What We Need To Learn From Robin Williams Suicide

August 23, 2014

Jaeson D. Rau's Blog

I did not know Robin Williams. I did watch a number of the movies he starred in, but truth be told, he was not one of my favorite actors. I don’t think I ever once went out of my way to see any of the movies he was in, although if I had, it would have to be Good Will Hunting, I did actually love that movie. Yet, even though I did not have a connection to Robin as an actor, I sit here very moved and deeply touched over his passing, feeling as though a teammate were now gone. Because, for the last fourteen years I have battled with depression and anxiety. And, although I don’t know exactly what Robin had been through that made him want to take his life. I know what it’s like to want to put an end to the pain. To feel so alone…

View original post 939 more words

Holy Shit………I Wrote A Book

July 27, 2014

For those of you that were not aware, I have been working on a book. Truth be told, I have been working on this book for over 10 years now. By the time I had turned 32, only divorced for a few years at the time, I started to realize that something was very wrong in the world of divorce, and I wanted to somehow share my thoughts.  Although I would fumble around in the dark for years, I did finally find my way. After so many years of what seemed to be a disaster after another, I finally shut my mouth, turned of the incessant thinking in my mind, allowed things to be whatever they needed to be, and listened to what was inside.

In less than 1 month, “How To NOT Be An Idiot When You Get Divorced” became a reality. In its short, 32 page presentation, this book touches on some of the things I think we need to do to change the way divorce affects our children, future generations and the Eco-system. Surprisingly, everyone who has reported back to me has shared the same positive comments. I find that amazing considering the topic is divorce.

I do finally realize a few things as I sit here today. And one thing that scares me so much is that this book has been so hard to write because of one major reason. The story of divorce is not believable. In all honesty, not only is it not believable, but it doesn’t even make any sense. I can’t tell you how many times I had finished writing something only to go back to edit and think to myself “this is what happened, but it is not believable, this doesn’t even make any sense.” The current story around divorce is no different from looking at the government or economy here in North America, it’s just not believable. Our government is so corrupt now and our economy is such a disaster that it is not even believable. Everything is done for profit, there is no regard for the environment or the health of society, it really makes no sense. And divorce has become the same, it’s like someone got people to start a war among themselves so they could be distracted and not pay attention to what the government and corporations are doing……………….

When I look back over the last twelve years and think about how my divorce has affected my children and all the other people involved in my life, it is not believable. When I think about the stories I hear from other divorced parents, they are not believable either. And it was those stories that helped me realize that those people that think divorce is just fine and has no effect on anything are the last people we should be talking to.  It is time we talk on a global level, it is time we changed the societal paradigm of divorce, and the only way we can do that is through awareness and love. Like minded people working together to make a difference is the only way now. Hate has proven time and again to be ineffective at doing, well, anything actually.

I Pray that this book will make a difference for you as you go through your divorce. And I hope the books that follow will do the same. I have made many mistakes and have had many learning opportunities, I hope that by sharing what I have been fortunate enough to learn along the way helps you in your journey.

Down below you will find a chapter of this little book. I hope you like it, if you do please help spread the message. Lets all work together to change the way divorce is affecting our planet and society.

 

 

How To NOT Be An Idiot When You Get Divorced

http://bookstore.authorhouse.com/Products/SKU-000695738/How-To-NOT-Be-An-Idiot-When-You-Get-Divorced.aspx

 

Chapter #3
“Why Now?”

“Of course there is no formula for success except, perhaps, an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings.” – Arthur Rubinstein

Why now? Why couldn’t my life have fallen apart when my kids were older? Why did I have to go through this now? Why? Why? Why? Doesn’t matter how you asked the question, it’s all the same. I’m willing to bet that for most of you, going through your divorce is going to be like going through hell. And “Why now?” will most likely become something you ask yourself multiple times per day but never seem to be able to answer, just another little thing that helps make it feel like you are in fact going through hell. For me, the question of “Why Now”? Did just that. It helped create a list of things my ex-wife had done or didn’t do that never seemed to end. There was daily drama in my mind replaying and justifying all the reasons why my having gone through a divorce was someone else’s fault. For a long time I even thought about what I could do to get back at her for what she had done to me. Does that sound familiar? Yes, I’m describing most people when they get divorced. And yes, actions like this are super idiotic.
Somehow over the last four or five years I have learned that the one thing that stands in the way of people moving forward and actually being happy, is simply their acceptance of situations. Think of it like this. If you’re driving down the highway and you get a flat tire, you need to pull over and install the spare. That’s it. Getting mad about it is not going to do anything to make the situation better. You can either change the flat tire with a smile on your face or you can get pissed off, try and blame someone or something, ruin the day of everyone you come in contact with and cause yourself a boatload of stress. Responding to your flat tire in any way other than acceptance is absolute lunacy. The tire is already flat. There is nothing you can do to change the situation. The only thing you can change is your response to the situation. And your divorce is no different. Your marriage has already driven over a spike, that’s why you’re getting divorced and now it’s time to choose whether you respond with acceptance or resistance.
If you choose to respond to your divorce with acceptance you might find very quickly that “Why Now?” turns into “Why Not Now?”. You might find that you are happier in all other areas of your life. You may find that the relationship with your children improves. You may also find that you make changes and grow as a person, maybe accept a new position at work, or even quit your job and start the business you’ve always dreamt of. You are not going to find these things if you resist or hate the fact that you are getting divorced. The hate or resistance you have surrounding your divorce will creep into other parts of your life and things will carry on being the way they’ve always been.
And really, whose fault is it that we get divorced. Ours. And by blaming your ex for anything, you are doing like I did for all those years, setting yourself up for failure. Doesn’t matter if they are blaming you, that’s none of your business. Just focus on yourself and remember that if you’re in the right frame of mind you are able to see that when one door closes another one opens. You are also able to see that there is no point in fighting, there is no point in ruining your ex. You realize that a cooperative co-parenting relationship is possible and you just automatically begin doing the things that have a long term positive affect on your children. This changes the way your divorce plays out, it changes the way your life plays out, it changes the way your children’s lives play out and it changes the way our planet is treated.
For those of you that are thinking to yourselves acceptance is for cowards or the weak, stop being an idiot and realize that acceptance is for those people that are strong enough to want to rise above denial, blame, justification and failure. People that want to make a difference not only for society but for our ecosystem as well. People that have realized that divorce does not have to be a war affecting everyone and everything it comes into contact with. Acceptance is for people that no longer want to be idiots.

 

 

 

 

It Comes From Within

July 14, 2014

Jaeson D. Rau's Blog

Can you, for just a second, imagine that you are driving down a lonely stretch of highway late at night? The moon is shining bright, you have the window down for some fresh air, and your favorite song is playing on the stereo. Then, for no apparent reason, your vehicle just quits. As you pull over onto the shoulder, you wonder for a minute what could possibly be wrong, but those thoughts are quickly forgotten as you reach for your cell phone to call for roadside assistance. As you sit waiting for the tow truck to arrive, you feel a sense of relief knowing that your vehicle is going to be taken to someone that actually knows how to figure out and fix whatever the problem is.
How often does this happen to people, do you think? I am willing to bet, considering the number of vehicles and drivers on…

View original post 2,997 more words

How Bad Parenting Skills Ruined Our Vacation

March 8, 2014

How Bad Parenting Skills Ruined Our Vacation.

Tonight I Peed In The Shower

March 4, 2014

Well, it was actually last night, and I didn’t actually pee in the shower, don’t take it so literal. However, what I did do somewhere deep inside of my consciousness was piss on our court system and more importantly divorce in general. As I stood in the shower last night I very briefly thought about my divorce, and all the other divorces I have ever heard about that have caused at least some negativity in our society and on our planet. And then I did what I wish I had done a long time ago. I looked down and watched the running water disappear into the drain, and I said “Piss On It”. I imagined that the water running down the drain was the negative energy I was holding onto because of my divorce. It was at that exact moment something changed inside me, something I have been trying to change for a very long time.

What led me to this was that after 12 years of being scared to walk into a courtroom and deal with my divorce, I finally put that fear behind me. This is the reason that I had stopped blogging, speaking and running fathers aware, I was starting to feel like a hypocrite, trying to do something positive in the arena of divorce but having never gone to court myself. Never experiencing what actually happens when people spend time together in court. Never actually experiencing the negative energy that goes out into our society and ecosystem. Not only was I being a hypocrite but I was putting my life on hold. And even though I walk away from my experience in court feeling absolutely beaten, and having finally experienced the injustice I hear so many other men talk about, I feel so good I can’t even explain. It’s nice to experience days without anger or frustration. It’s even nicer to feel a smile on my face.

On February 24, 2014 at approximately 1:20 PM I sat quietly in a chair about 15 feet from a small room my ex-wife and her lawyer were sitting in. The judge, who I would find out shortly was the judge presiding over my case, walked into that small room with a smile on his face and although I did not hear anything that was said, acted as though he was among friends. It was all I could do to refrain from laughing. I knew right then that there was a good chance the decision had already been made. It was as though I got a strong backhand across the face telling me it was no longer worth fighting, but it didn’t hurt at all. Originally I had wanted to fight, I had things to tell my ex-wife, I had things to say concerning my children and I was prepared to go to jail if needed, I was not going to go down quietly. The reality is that I was very calm, asked for nothing, and only spoke to answer any questions I was asked. I sit in my office today writing this blog a much different person.

There is no doubt in my mind now that our system is absolutely fucked up. But what’s shocking is I am no longer mad about it. In my entire experience of going to court, from filling out the original paperwork to actually going through the process of being in front of the judge, nobody gave a shit about my kids, not even their mother. And somehow I’m not mad. In reality the only thing anybody actually cared about was money. My ex-wife disputed the amount of money I had claimed as income, even changing the context of situations in my life, the courts didn’t even check into it, they just went with her word. And did I mention that the judge did not even give two hoots about the children involved? All he said in regards to our children was that it was important they spend time with me, that’s it. Nothing about the 250 classes missed this year at school. Nothing substantial about not having their father in their lives. Nothing. I have now been ordered to pay an amount of money per month that at this time I can’t even afford. It’s not that I don’t want to be a good father to my kids and offer support, but I’ve been setup to fail, again. How the courts can order someone to pay an amount of child support so great that they haven’t enough money to even survive is beyond me. Now I know what all those men are talking about, I actually never believed them, I never dreamt that our “legal system” would do this to someone on purpose. I’m not sure that I want to know how many divorced men are running around barely able to afford anything, and working four jobs just so that they can eat. Not sure I want to know just how much angry energy is out there waiting to explode.

I feel so bad for my boys, and now I’m feeling bad for your boys as well. For any of you that think of your divorce as a war, a battle that has a winner, I want you to think about something. Someday your children may very well get divorced themselves. What precedent are you setting for your children? If you’re fighting with your ex, if you’re keeping the children from their father, if you’ve done your best to suck every nickel out of your ex and done everything in your power to make your ex look bad. You are telling the universe at large that it’s okay for your children to be treated that way one day. How’s that for a twist?

Yes you are, stop trying to argue. We are energy and everything around us is energy and everything is connected so I don’t care how much you say you love your children, if you are treating your child’s other parent like crap, then you are saying “I give my blessings for my children to be treated this way one day”. If it’s okay for you to treat your ex like crap, then why is it not okay for your child’s ex to treat them like crap? Bet you never thought about that, did you?

Maybe it’s time to reconsider how much you love your children.

%d bloggers like this: